Opinion and judgement – Different sides of the same coin?
I found myself contemplating about a conversation I had a few days ago. I ran into someone, which had dropped out of a commitment he made to the center a month ago. That decision he made, had as a consequence that suddenly a spot was open that could not be directly filled by someone else.
So if you look at it from a distance, an action of someone, affects the conditions for someone else.
In this case I could feel I had an opinion about it. I felt a sense of dissapointment and when I looked deeper, even a judgement occured. And this judgement was exactly what I now realize he reflected back to me in the moment we met.
In our encounter, and reunion, where we chit chatted away. He suddenly asked if I was ok. I said something about me being tired for this and that reason, so that he might had sensed that.
But today this situation suddenly appears in my awareness again and I could clearly see and re-feel the distance that I kept between us. I wasn’t fully open to him and connecting to him truly. This opinion/judgement was still there…Ofcourse he had felt that!
With this a question arises:
What does it mean to have an opinion about something and when are you judging?
Was I just having another opinion upon what he did? And was the dissapointment for him not joining us, out of love for truely wishing him to be here?
Or was I judging him for it? And was the dissapointment One that I personally had in him as a human being doing something I personally think he shouldn’t because….
The first I would say would be the open heart that just feels disapointment because something is changing. But is still open without going into a drama or story.
The second is different. I have an opinion filled with an energy of war – coming from a feeling like he did something to me personally. Which in this case, was not about me. Yes ofcourse the plans changed. But did I or someone in the center got harmed by it? Not really…we opened to the new situation and just continued…help came surprisingly quick :)) Somehow the universe seems to always have our back. (And this is what I deeply and completely believe in and cultivate in my Life nowadays).
So for me it became interesting where the second part arised from in me. What part of me suddenly made it personal and became defensive towards him. Like suddenly he became an untrustworthy person to be utterly cautious with.
It probably had a function in One of my past experiences, otherwise this condition couldn’t exist in me.
But now there is this light of awareness shining from deep within the Heart and gives opportunity to see the seperation and contraction it brings in my body and being. And choose to open to it, towards myself and moreover to him again.
All is relative. All is perfect in iTS imperfections. So Am I and so is every One around me. This moment of awareness is awakening into Love. To choose Love and Openness in moments of contraction and inner war.
Today Gratitude goes towards this momentum 🙏🏼🐞 Towards awakening into Love!
Now I’m curious: what do you feel/think about this?
Are opinion and judgement actually just different sides of the same coin?
Please leave your comment below and share and go deeper together!
Find here how the yogic tradition looks upon it – by the practise of Ahimsa (non harming which is also non judgement).
“A contemporary psychologist, Marshall Rosenberg, goes as far as to say that having a judgemental thought towards somebody is in itself an act of silent violence. This is also reflected by the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. Hidden within this very common behavior is the need for our ego to feel superior, to feel there is a specialness that gives the ego more substance. Judgement means that someone is right and someone else has to be wrong.
Where does this feeling of “I Am an ego” come from? Ramana Maharshi says that there is a feeling of “I am” which tends to identify with other sensations, emotions, and thoughts and which branches off into patterns of Self-reflected thoughts. While the ego develops more and more a sense of specialness, it constantly attracts more thoughts, drama’s etc. The solidification of the ego can work either way: “I Am special, the best,” or, “I Am special, the worst.”
Rosenberg also identifies this process and says that in order for us to feel important we often make someone else feel unimportant, by diminishing him or her with our comments, with our judgements dressed up as “observations.”
By diminishing someone else, our ego gets inflated and we feel superior. It feels good to be right. This process of curiosity and discovery, which gives us satisfaction when we are “right” get’s hijacked and is constantly being ubused. It works internally with oneself as well. Judging ourselves, a portion of our ego somehow feels superior and there is a hidden satisfaction there.
Is judging Oneself or others breaking animsa?
We can take a look at the love we feel for the other person or ourselves during this process. Is there disconnection, hurt and perceived injury? Or is there empathy, love, and compassion? Is there kindness in our judgements, or are we feeling good to detriment of another?
How do we nevigate this ocean of inbon judgements and judgements received by others? It is best to realize that when we are judged, one of the fundamental feelings we experience is not being loved. We feel unloved because we are not accepted as we are, we are not seen and we are not understood. We are not loved because our best intentions and actions are not good enough to please our judge.
Understanding this, we can choose to not allow our feeling of being loved to depend on someone else. The best solution is to love ourselves, with kindness and compassion. We establish within ourselves a fortress of Self-love, just the way you are.
(Resource: Hridaya Yoga Module I Intensive. Yama’s and Niyama’s – Ahimsa).
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